


When the Night is Darkest

by Beth Harker (Beth_Harker)



Category: Starlight Express - Phillips/Stilgoe/Webber
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 15:52:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12436188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth_Harker/pseuds/Beth%20Harker
Summary: Dinah and Rusty cross paths at the darkest place in the middle of the tunnel.  Can they help each other heal?





	When the Night is Darkest

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this story in 2001. Now I'm collaborating with my childhood self to revise it, partially as an experiment, and partially because my poor dead geocities site once hosted more Starlight Express fic than is on the entire internet currently. Anyway, please enjoy the fruits of my childhood eagerness to get Dinah into a relationship with literally anybody other than Greaseball.

Dinah had already cried. She’d cried for hours, it had seemed, and she'd cried alone. She didn't want to cry any more, but she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't possibly travel the rails shaking, as she was, with unresolved fury. She kicked the side of her oven, and receiving only a stubbed toe and not the slightest amount of relief for her troubles, she kicked again, this time a little harder, pretending it was Greaseball that she was kicking. 

She had seen them only a few hours ago... Greaseball and Pearl. She didn't know why exactly she had been shocked. After all, Greaseball had never been loyal to her, and she couldn't remember a time when Pearl had ever been loyal to Rusty. Still, she had thought race night had changed everything. They had all seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and it was bright, and perfect and radiant. For Dinah, the light had faded.

She just didn't understand it, not at all. She had thought... well, really she hadn't thought at all. Greaseball had said he was S.O.R.R.R.Y., and Pearl had decided only Rusty had the power to move her. That was more than enough to convince Dinah that her own relationship was perfect, and would stay that way forever. Greaseball hadn't really even had to apologize. He could have just smiled at her, and she would've forgiven everything. Maybe it had all just been a mistake. Surely Greaseball hadn't meant anything by it. He loved her. Dinah knew he did. She wouldn't believe otherwise. No matter how many times he strayed, he loved her and only her. 

At length, she realized that kicking her kitchen equipment was doing more harm than good. She stopped, surprised she hadn't dented herself, or the stove. She sat down, her head resting on her chin. Her diner was small, and the kitchen even smaller, an enclosed space, with several stoves, drawers full of utensils, and blue wallpaper that matched the print of her dress. She loved it in there. She and Buffy always had the best time preparing meals for the train yard, and talking, and gently competing to see who could make the best side dish. It was a warm, comfortable room that smelled sweetly of chocolate cake baking. 

Right now, it was comforting. At least that's what she tried to tell herself, in a flurry of whispers. _Don't cry. Focus on the chocolate smell. Focus on the wallpaper. Stop. Breathe. Compartmentalize._

She was alone. It was late at night, and most everyone else was sleeping. The thought of going to bed herself had crossed Dinah's mind, but still that thought remained unheeded. It took her a few moments to realize she was crying again. She cried so easily, at least in matters of love. All Greaseball had to do to make her want to cry was raise his voice at her. She hated that. It wasn't exactly as though she meant to cry though. It wasn't something she could help. Starlight, she was so tired. So tired, and so sad, and so…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Dreams fragmented and drifted away. Dinah lifted her head off the smooth tiled floor, as her gears turned and whirred, quickly returning her to waking order.

"Um..." She said, opening the door, "Dinner's already been served." The clock on the wall said it was after midnight. Rusty stood before her, looking very worried.

"Yeah. I'm uh… sorry to bother you. Just, have you seen Pearl anywhere? I just thought since all the lights were on, maybe she'd be in here with you..." He trailed off, looking past Dinah into the kitchen. His eyes took a certain disappointed look as he saw that his beloved observation car was indeed not in there.

Dinah swallowed hard. She certainly had seen Pearl. Apparently her distress showed in her face, because Rusty suddenly looked very confused.

"Did something happen to Pearl?" Rusty sounded very, very worried. Dinah felt awful. What exactly could she tell him? She shook her head.

"No. Pearl's alright... she just... never mind." 

Dinah smoothed her skirts frantically, once, twice, three times. What could she say? And what right did Rusty have to make her have to say it? It wasn't fair of him to back her into a corner like this, especially not in the middle of the night. And it wasn't fair that she had to tell him that his happy ending was over, especially when she was suffering so much herself. 

 

Dinah shut the door in Rusty's face, and leaned against it, breathing heavily. Would he leave? Rusty from before the races would have, but Rusty was endowed with Starlight now, enough to stand up for himself, if not enough to keep the interest of his fickle coach, 

Low and behold, there was another insistent knock. Dinah sighed. This wasn't going to be easy at all, and she wasn't mad at Rusty. He hadn't done anything. She was furious with Greaseball, but most of all Pearl. Pearl *knew* that Greaseball was her engine; despite the way Greaseball acted a lot of the time. Dinah swung the door open, a certain vindictiveness rising up within her.  
"She and Greaseball were _together_. Alright?" She said, before even giving the steamer a chance to speak. The look on Rusty's face made her immediately wish those words unsaid. She assumed that it was how she looked when she had seen Pearl and Greaseball... only worse. Inexplicably, Rusty seemed more heartbroken than she could possibly be. "Sorry,” she murmured, ineffectively. Her tears were starting again. To Rusty's credit, he wasn't crying, just standing there looking extremely upset. She wished he'd say something, or skate away, instead of just standing there and looking like he did. "I really am sorry." She half whimpered when he didn't leave right away.

"I don't believe you." Rusty said finally. He just couldn't believe something like that, he absolutely couldn't. He knew his Pearl would never do that. Dinah looked up at him, her tear stained face indignant.

"Do you think I'd lie about something like this?" She asked. She could tell, from the forced frown on Rusty’s face, that a part of him did believe her. 

"But why would she do something like that?" He asked. Dinah shrugged, and stared down at her wheels, deciding that she liked complete silence better than difficult questions like this one. She was too choked up to speak anyway. When she dared, through her tears, to glance up at Rusty, he looked like a little lost trainlet, asking a trainlet question like _Why is the sky blue_ , or Why do strange little human people like to crawl around inside me. After that moment passed however, he seemed to regain his enginely stature, even if he still looked singularly distressed.

"I just don't know,” Dinah said at length. She bowed her head, letting her thick blonde curls obscure the view of her still falling tears. "It's something you get used to,” she added. For the first time it seemed to occur to Rusty that Dinah was going through exactly the same problem that he was right now.

"Sorry." He said, a simple word, but full of sympathy. Dinah nodded, retreating back into her kitchen. To her surprise, Rusty followed.

"I still need to find Pearl. Do you know where she is?” 

"No." Dinah said flatly. Rusty sat down at one of the tables in the kitchen. Dinah did her best to wipe her tears away. She went into the refrigerator, pouring a cup of apple cider, and handing it to Rusty. She sat across from him at the table, looking for all the world like the stereotypical bartender, despite the fact that the beverage she had offered was far from alcoholic. She had no inclination to get Rusty drunk, and doubted he would be much interested in that anyway.  
The part of the bartender was one Dinah played often. She would sit, watch a train get drunk, and listen sympathetically to everything they had to say. However, the part about giving out sage advice was something she had yet to get down. Her advice was rarely useful, unless she was simply repeating something Belle had told her. 

"Right now might not be the best time to go looking for her anyway." Dinah said quietly, "Greaseball is always so mad at me when I say anything about him cheating..."

"So you think I should just ignore her?" Rusty replied, incredulously, "No. I won't do that I'll..." 

Dinah shook her head. "No. It works better to just try and ignore it. Everything always fixes itself in the end, and it's not really so bad."

"If it's not so bad," Rusty asked slowly, "Then why are you crying?" 

That all to familiar lump rose in Dinah's throat again. It seemed like every time she regained her composure, she lost it again. She buried her face in her arms. Rusty skated over, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Dinah. It's okay. It'll be okay." 

Dinah didn't stop crying, so he kept talking. 

"When things like this... well, do you know the story of the Starlight Express?" 

Dinah nodded.

"I like to tell myself I'm him. Poppa told me to do that. It helps." 

Dinah looked up. "I'm rolling stock." She said, repeating her own mantra with a watery smile. Rusty nodded encouragingly. 

"And I am the Starlight." 

Dinah sniffled, and flung her arms around Rusty, with an unflattering wail. He froze for a minute, and then returned the embrace, rubbing Dinah’s back as she cried. 

By the time Dinah was finished, the sun was coming up. She shifted awkwardly in Rusty’s arms, and he released her, gently wiping to tears from her face. 

"I'm going to find Pearl. She'll be getting up soon." Rusty said.  
"I have to fix this. I am..."

"The Starlight." Dinah finished, "And I'm rolling stock. It's not us who suck. It's our gosh darned relationships.”

**Author's Note:**

> Psst, if you like it there are two more chapters that I could totally revise.


End file.
